Soap is not a condiment
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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