Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
