Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
