So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
