Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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