I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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