just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im part way to drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
