I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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