I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
