Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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