I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
