I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
