well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
