She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
