She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
