I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want nice things and good sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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