nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
