If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
