Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
