I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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