he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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