Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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