Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
