did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
