i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
