so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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