'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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