we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
