Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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