do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
