I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
