i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
