This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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