I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
