did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
