Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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