I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
