I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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