The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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