I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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