I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
