I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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