just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
