OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Alive.
So much puke
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
