Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
