I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
