Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
