I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
