I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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