You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
