You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
