I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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