haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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