Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
