It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
