I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
