I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
