Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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